


a moment of bravery

by AdorabloodthirstyKitty



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-13 17:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21191105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdorabloodthirstyKitty/pseuds/AdorabloodthirstyKitty
Summary: did Crowley faint from being kissed by the love of his life? Probably





	a moment of bravery

Sometimes he feels as though he won't survive it. The slow-burning coal of his love, the never-ending fire taking space where his heart would be. A name etched in flames over his soul, the name of the only being he could ever, would ever, love.

Always there, deep as the oceans and constant as hellfire. He loves Aziraphale, will always love Aziraphale.

Aziraphale just wasn't meant to know it.

"Oh."

A million things hide in those two letters. Disappointment, heartbreak, revulsion, and a loss too overwhelming to bear. Crowley can feel his heart crack open, and wonders idly how long his body will be able to survive it as his mind flies right to panic. His body and mind scrambling, terrified and in pain. He needs to fix this, he needs to take it back, he wasn't supposed to  _ know _ -

But Aziraphale is silent, is still. Still as death, still as stone, and Crowley is terrified. Crowley can't take it back.

It doesn't stop him from trying.

His words stumble and trip over each other as they fly from his mouth, noises that aren't words and words that are barely coherent enough to be phrases rushing like water over the jagged rocks of fear-numbed lips. He needs to leave. He needs to leave right now, but as he turns to go and as he all but runs through the heavy wooden bookshop doors Aziraphale calls him, and even as his soul shrivels and his heart sends molten lead through his body he turns, because he will always give Aziraphale anything and everything he could want, no matter how much it pains him.

He turns, feeling like a man at the gallows. Like a being facing Death. But if this is how he goes, at least he was able to look on Aziraphale's face one more time.

Aziraphale's eyes are oceans, are skies filled with stars, bright and dark all at once. Crowley's heart breaks all over again as a single tear falls down his cheek, and he hates himself more than he ever has because  _ he made Aziraphale cry _ . His body works as his mind spirals, shaking legs carrying him straight back as hands reach out to touch, to hold, to comfort and make it right. He pulls them back just before they meet tear-stained skin, his mouth moving without any say from his mind as his hands flutter like anxious butterflies. He consoles, he apologizes, says anything and everything his racing mind can think of to try and stem the flow of tears. Aziraphale is quiet, watching him, following his shaking fingers and running mouth with too-bright eyes, until finally he puts Crowley out of his misery and takes his hands in his own.

Crowley swallows and waits for the killing blow. A pat of soft hands, a sympathetic “Oh, my dear boy,” followed by a kind rejection. But Aziraphale stays quiet, and Crowley tries and fails not to fidget anxiously in his hold. Crowley memorizes the warmth of his hands, the gentle pressure as Aziraphale’s thumb rubs gentle circles along shark knuckles, the valleys and hills of the backs of his bony hands. But just before Crowley can finally muster the courage to say something, anything to break the too-long silence, Aziraphale’s eyes land on his face, sharp as diamonds, determined, an angel worthy of a flaming sword.

And without a word Aziraphale steps forward into Crowley’s space and presses soft lips to his own, and everything goes white.

**Author's Note:**

> did Crowley faint from being kissed by the love of his life? Probably


End file.
